The Art of Listening: Connecting on a Deeper Level

What does it even mean to “hold space”?!

This is a very common phrase in the wellness industry. In the corporate sector, “active listening” buzzes around management training circuits. Even as young children, being identified as a “good listener” by a teacher makes parents beam with pride. But what do these buzzwords really mean, and why are they so important?

I may be preaching to the choir when it comes to active, good, space-holding listeners, so bear with me. Everything you’re about to read isn’t just about becoming a better listener to others; it’s about reconnecting with yourself. Imagine this as an opportunity to listen deeply to your own inner voice. And if you don’t identify with having a “inner voice”, that’s normal too. The body speaks to you through sensations. We can learn to listen to ourselves by listening to our bodies’ energy, pain levels, digestion, cravings, etc… You’re never not trying to get attention from yourself! Have you figured out a preference in communicating: the mind, the body or a combo of both? Which is your language of choice?

The art of listening to yourself is often where those who are seen as “reliable” and present for others need the most support. Strengthening the relationship between you and your inner stories, feelings—both pleasant and unpleasant—and concerns is crucial. It’s about bringing your wholehearted soul into the role of listener to the human ego residing in the mind. This journey inward helps you understand your true self and needs, allowing you to be even more grounded and authentic in all your interactions.

I believe we are all born curious explorers. If we could narrate a baby’s neuroprocessing, it would sound like this: “What in the world is this? Why? How? Who? I want to understand and interact more and make some connections here.” The question I ask you is, are you a curious adult?

Around the age of 6, we start seeing ourselves as separate from others and are affected by their feedback. We start experimenting with different traits, behaviors, and identities to see what happens! Then, our interpretation of this feedback becomes a conclusion, which evolves into a belief. Beliefs help us choose how to behave to elicit a specific response, and we seek out evidence to reaffirm the perceptions we’re forming. This is how our ego is created.

The Power of Being Curious

As adults, we often lose that natural curiosity and become more focused on proving our own points rather than understanding others. We tend to listen to respond rather than to understand. But what if we could return to that state of curiosity? What if we approached conversations not with the goal of being right but with the desire to learn and connect?

At Soul School, we’re integrating this idea of curiosity and active listening into everything we do. It’s about more than just hearing words; it’s about being present and truly understanding what someone is trying to communicate. Our workbook on “The Art of Listening” is designed to help you cultivate these skills and apply them in your everyday life.

Embracing True Listening

So, how do you become a better listener? It starts with being present. That means putting away distractions and giving the person in front of you your full attention. It means acknowledging that your judgments and assumptions can cloud your ability to really hear what someone is saying.

Here are some practical steps to get started:

• Stay Present: Focus on the person speaking and be aware of your own thoughts and reactions. If you catch your mind wandering, gently bring it back to the conversation.

• Listen with Empathy: Try to see things from the speaker’s perspective. Imagine how they feel and why they might feel that way. This helps create a genuine connection and understanding. You may not understand this specific situation because you’ve never experienced it, but I guarantee you have felt the feeling this speaker is conveying. Now experience the feeling and sensations in yourself. This is empathy.

• Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage the speaker to share more by asking questions that can’t be answered with a simple “yes” or “no.” This shows that you’re truly interested in understanding their point of view.

Letting Go of Judgments

Our ego loves to judge and label everything around us, but true listening requires setting those judgments aside. It means approaching each conversation with a sense of curiosity and a willingness to learn.

Here’s how you can start letting go of judgments:

• Recognize Your Biases: Admit. It’s human! Acknowledge the judgments and biases you hold, and consciously work to set them aside when listening to others.

• Practice Mindfulness: Mindfulness can help you become aware of when you’re being judgmental, so you can refocus on being present and open-minded.

• Cultivate Curiosity: Instead of making assumptions, ask questions that allow you to understand the speaker better.

Balancing Empathy with Boundaries

While empathy is a powerful tool for connection, it’s important to balance it with personal boundaries. This means being supportive without taking on someone else’s problems as your own.

Here are some tips for finding that balance:

• Set Clear Boundaries: Know what you’re comfortable with and communicate those boundaries to others. This helps maintain your emotional well-being.

• Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself and recognize when you need to take a step back to recharge.

• Identify Emotional Triggers: Be aware of topics or situations that trigger strong emotions and learn how to manage your reactions.

Bringing It All Together

Listening is a skill that takes practice, but the rewards are worth it. As you work on becoming a better listener, you’ll find that your relationships become more meaningful and your connections with others deepen.

At Soul School, we’re committed to helping you develop these skills. Our workshops and classes provide a supportive environment where you can explore the art of listening and practice these techniques in real-life situations.

Why Soul School?

At Soul School, we believe that becoming a better listener is about more than just improving communication skills; it’s about fostering genuine connections and living a more fulfilled life. By integrating these practices into your daily routine, you’ll not only enhance your relationships but also gain a deeper understanding of yourself.

Join us on September 3rd for our Live Lesson & Circle: How to Maintain a Heart Centered Approach to Difficult Conversations. Want more details on what’s included when you register? Click here.

Let’s continue to reclaim curiosity as a safe way of learning and connecting with others. Because when we remain open to what others want to share, we gift them with our willingness, availability and desire to see them. Isn’t that what we all want? It feels pretty good to admit that’s what you desire and even more gratifying to study and practice the art of listening for another.